She’s always there; chatting away. Giving ideas, letting me get excited, then taking them away in the next breath. The only compliments are sarcastic. A quick ‘well done clumsy’, when I drop something; knock a glass over; break a treasured possession.
She senses when I feel proud of myself; when I have achieved something. Up she pops, to bring me back to earth with a crash. She’ll remind me that it was probably a fluke, it must be – I am a fraud after all. ‘No you don’t’, she says ‘don’t you go getting all high and mighty now. We can’t have you believing in yourself now, can we?
‘You are distinctly AVERAGE’
She reminds me of my flaws, should I ever forget. Tells me I’m not attractive, clever, or interesting enough to be a success. She points out the goals that I haven’t achieved, laughs in the face of my dreams and ambitions.
She’s there now as I type. Pouring doubt over me like acid rain.
She won’t be quiet.
My inner voice.
Things are going to change.
I’ve got news for you, Inner Voice. You’re fired.
I’m not taking your advice anymore.
I’m going to replace you.
I can do it.
I will do it.
I will succeed.
I will be someone.
I will be remembered.
I will achieve my goals.
I will do it day by day. I will make a plan, and stick to it.
I will look into my children’s eyes and remember – I created human beings. I am responsible for others now.
I will be their inner voice.