We are going to get a little bit real today, I’m afraid.
I’ve been having some feelings. Not happy feelings, and I need an outlet. No, it’s not about beauty, it’s not motivational, and it probably won’t help anyone. But I need to get some things out of my head before it cracks wide open. Stuff and things.
I have been neglecting my blog over the last couple of months, this is for a combination of reasons. I’m feeling a little unhappy; heavy, and weighed down by life. I do have some wonderful little people in my life (four little ones actually) and they keep me going most of the time. I am also very fortunate to have a supportive family around me.
So, I can’t really complain. Yet, I still feel like something is missing. I feel a heaviness in my heart, I feel like I’m underground, trying to find my way out, as blind as a mole. Trying this path, and that path – none of them right. I can’t see the daylight.
There are things I want for my career that may or may not happen. I’m currently training for a change in career path, and I don’t want to do it. It’s something that will benefit our family financially. But in reality, it’s probably the last thing I want to be doing. In fact there’s no guarantee that I will get any work from it. The only benefit will be financial (no small thing, I know).
And, it’s leaving me even less time for hobbies; to pursue other avenues. Career options that I actually want to pursue.
So, is that it?
I’m not getting any younger. Am I going to lie on my deathbed and think, what was all that for? Does it really matter? Should I just be happy with my lot, and make the most of it? Not everyone gets to do a job they love. Some of us just have to pay the bills.
Why though? Why can’t I do something that I love, as well as pays the bills?
I’m sorry for the ramble, this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt brat. That’s not really me, I just have some things to work through.
Until next time….
*This post may contain affiliate links. Thank you for your continued support of Joyful Things!*