Current Mood: Low

We are going to get a little bit real today, I’m afraid.

I’ve been having some feelings.  Not happy feelings, and I need an outlet.  No, it’s not about beauty, it’s not motivational, and it probably won’t help anyone. But I need to get some things out of my head before it cracks wide open. Stuff and things.




I have been neglecting my blog over the last couple of months, this is for a combination of reasons. I’m feeling a little unhappy; heavy, and weighed down by life.  I do have some wonderful little people in my life (four little ones actually) and they keep me going most of the time.  I am also very fortunate to have a supportive family around me.

So, I can’t really complain.  Yet, I still feel like something is missing.  I feel a heaviness in my heart, I feel like I’m underground, trying to find my way out, as blind as a mole. Trying this path, and that path – none of them right.  I can’t see the daylight.

There are things I want for my career that may or may not happen.  I’m currently training for a change in career path, and I don’t want to do it. It’s something that will benefit our family financially.  But in reality, it’s probably the last thing I want to be doing. In fact there’s no guarantee that I will get any work from it. The only benefit will be financial (no small thing, I know).

And, it’s leaving me even less time for hobbies;  to pursue other avenues.  Career options that I actually want to pursue.

So, is that it?

I’m not getting any younger.  Am I going to lie on my deathbed and think, what was all that for? Does it really matter? Should I just be happy with my lot, and make the most of it? Not everyone gets to do a job they love.  Some of us just have to pay the bills.

Why though? Why can’t I do something that I love, as well as pays the bills?

I’m sorry for the ramble, this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt brat. That’s not really me, I just have some things to work through.


Until next time….


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2 thoughts on “Current Mood: Low

  1. Hi
    I stumbled across this blog today and saw your post about feeling down. I hope you feel better soon. I just wanted to add one little thing that might make you see things in a different light.
    More and more I’m hearing successful creative people – writers, filmmakers, artists – speak out against the notion that you need to love what you do for a living and if you aren’t, you’re failing in some way. This is an untruth that has permeated our society and it’s not healthy. For the aspiring young person it gives a notion of entitlement and leads them to make nonsensical decisions (‘I can’t get a job, I’m an “artist” don’t you know) that leave them behind their peers, and for the more mature person, it gives a sense of failure when you’re not being paid for the thing you most enjoy doing, or want to do.
    The connection between doing something you love and earning a living doesn’t need to be there, and doesn’t need to be the thing that defines us.
    You do, of course, need to have the time to do the things you enjoy, and that’s something you have to make for yourself. You can toil for others up to a certain point, but your family will be best served by having a creative and productive mother. It’s the best example you can set.
    Good luck!

    1. Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I agree that things have changed over the last few years; there is a lot more emphasis on doing what you love, rather than what pays the bills. It’s not always easy to find a balance, but hopefully not impossible!

      Thanks for reading.

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